Trigger warning. This post contains cold beans.

Kapow! Yes we can!

This is a tin of beans that slipped through quality control somehow. Aiming to make some beans on toast, as you do, J noticed that the lid on this can seemed a bit swollen, checked the sell by date to find that it was ok until 2027, and pulled on the ring, much as you would a hand grenade.

The resulting eruption splatted all over her glasses, clothes and across the room. The kitchen units, ceiling, floor and windows had an orange explosion pattern reminiscent of the Chemistry Lab ceiling at Grays Tech- a montage of multicoloured stains accumulated over many years of over enthusiastic experiments – with one particularly far flung splat making it as far as the washing machine four yards away.

And that, as you can see form the picture, was just from the top half a centimetre of beany effervescence; a different kind of bang from the one you normally get from Heinz.

Beans, beans, the musical fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot!

Trad. US version.